I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration? ' . The Auditor thinks for a moment and says, 'Okay. Go ahead.'
Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand pounds that I can bite my own eye.' The Auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.' Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The Auditor's jaw drops.
Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand pounds that I can bite my other eye.' Now the Auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's Lawyer as a witness. He starts to get nervous. 'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand pounds that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee into that wastebasket on the other side and never get a drop anywhere in between.'
The Auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the Auditor's desk. The Auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa's Lawyer moans and puts his head in his hands.